Fabio and the Goose

You can’t make this sh!t up:

Italian Adonis “Fabio” Lanzoni gets hit by a 10 pound goose while riding a roller coaster.

And my man Bobby Fingers is just the guy to help simulate it.

Watch “Fabio and the Goose”

You can watch “Fabio and the Goose” by clicking the video embed above or clicking here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RIEPKEhE2s


  • My Rating: 95/100
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Highlights of the Fabio and the Goose Video

Buckle up, folks, because we’re about to embark on a wild ride through the bizarre, the bold, and the Fabio. Our fearless leader, the Bobby Fingers, is on a mission to recreate one of the strangest moments in pop culture history: the day that Fabio, the Italian Adonis, got goosed. Literally.

It all went down in 1999, at the opening of Apollo’s Chariot in Busch Gardens Williamsburg. This steel hypercoaster, manufactured by Bolliger & Mabillard, was a behemoth, boasting a 210-foot lift hill, a top speed of 73 mph, and nearly 5,000 feet of twisted track.

Fabio, flanked by 35 toga-clad beauties, took the inaugural ride. But when the coaster pulled back in, Fabio’s face was a bloody mess. The culprit? A 10-pound Canadian goose, smacking into his chiseled mug at a whopping 75 mph.

Bobby Fingers isn’t content to simply retell this tale. No, he’s going to rebuild it, one painstaking piece at a time.

He starts with a spot-on sculpture of Fabio’s face, using W clay and a cutout of his profile. Then, it’s on to the roller coaster.

We’re talking 3D-printed carriages, 36 hand-molded seats, and a track that would make Wile E. Coyote proud.

But the devil’s in the details, and Bobby doesn’t skimp. He’s on the hunt for the truth, and he’s got a crack team to help him.

There’s Jeremy Freeman, the forensic lip reader, poring over footage to decipher the fateful words spoken that day. There’s the private detectives from East Coast Investigations, combing through court cases to find eyewitnesses.

Heck, he even hires some ladies to sit on a scanner and react to their bank statements, all in the name of capturing the perfect “joy meets concern” expression.

And let’s not forget the fitness journey.

Bobby’s got a dream: to grace the cover of a romance novel. So he’s hitting the gym, downing creatine, and even penning his own bodice-ripper, “The Power of the Strength of the Heart.”

It’s got steamy trains, sexy midwives, and a protagonist named Robbie Mulligan. Eat your heart out, Fabio.

But the pièce de résistance? The goose cannon. Bobby enlists none other than Adam Savage to build a 25-foot behemoth capable of launching geese at Fabio’s face at the same speed as that fateful day.

They’re using ballistics gel, animal birthing lubricant (don’t ask), and high-speed cameras to capture every gruesome moment.

It’s like “Jackass” meets “MythBusters,” with a dash of “Wild Kingdom.”

In the end, after countless tests and one Texas-sized argument, Bobby comes to a conclusion: Fabio was right.

There’s no way a human could take a 10-pound goose to the face at 75 mph and walk away with just a scratch. It’s a victory for truth, justice, and the American way. Or something like that.

Remarkably, Fabio escaped the incident with only minor injuries, a testament to his enduring virility. He received medical attention at the park and was soon released, his chiseled visage no worse for wear.

In interviews, he remained a good sport about the whole ordeal, laughing off the absurdity of it all.

Apollo’s Chariot remains a popular attraction at Busch Gardens Williamsburg to this day, with no further goose-related incidents reported.

The park recognized the importance of safety measures to protect both guests and local wildlife, employing various deterrents to keep birds at a safe distance.

So buckle up, folks. This video is a wild ride through the strange, the silly, and the slightly obsessive. It’s got romance, intrigue, and more goose-related content than you ever knew you needed.

It’s a love letter to the wild world of pop culture, and a reminder that sometimes, the truth really is stranger than fiction.

Thanks for reading!

Rob Kelly

Chief Maniac, Daily Doc